i'm sure most of you have heard of the MTV show "if you really knew me" . well let just say this is the online Tumblr version. feel free to submit anything. start the sentence off with "if you really knew me, you would..."Est. Aug. 11, 2010.
then you’d know I’m putting up a front. I’m not healthy. I don’t have my shit under control. I’m not the happy smiling girl everyone sees. I’m constantly changing to please others and find the real me. I’m unmotivated about everything. I say I don’t need someone, but I really do. If you really knew me, would you still be here? ~AMK
If you really knew me , you’d know that i have battles with myself everyday for what’s right and what’s wrong.If you really knew me , you’d know that my family members are apart from a long time ago.
If you really knew me , you’d know that I’m not happy like i seem to be all the time.If you really knew me , you’d know that all the time even around people i feel so lonely and sad.
If you really knew me , you’d know that I cry constantly every single day without a reason.If you really knew me , you’d know that I care about people more than they do care about me.
If you really knew me , you’d know that I’m not perfect. Just because I have money , friends , a fine house to live in , I have everything I want does mean that I have no problems and my life is perfect.
If you really knew me , you’d know that my heart had been broken so many times that i feel that there’s no heart anymore.If you really knew me , you’d know that I want someone to love me for who I am , I need someone to tell me that he-she loves me and need my in her-his life.
If you really knew me , you’d know that I changed myself to be popular in my school and have friends and make boys love me. Changed myself to the worse for sure.
If you really knew me , you’d know that I feel all the time that I’m not good enough for anyone. you’d know that i feel that i have no soul inside. you’d know that i want to suicide.
If you really knew me , you’d know that I’m very emotional and I take every joke said about me personally. you’d know that no one in my house cares for what I’ve been through.
If you really knew me , you’d know that I’m always scared and feeling insecure.If you really knew me , you’d know that I hate my country and I hate the people who live in it. I hate traditions. you’d know that i feel that I’m judged because of my religion and because I love my religion.
If you really knew me , you’d know that I just need my dreams come true.
If you really knew me you’d know:
You’d be my best friend. You would be the one who I told all my secrets to. The one who understood everything in my life. You would be the one that never had to ask how I was. You’d just know.
If you knew me, you would be the boy I was going to marry. You would be the boy who died in a car roll over 5 months ago. Who was my best friend. My only friend.
You would be the one reading this up in heaven, looking over me while I deal with all the haters. You would be the boy who held my hand through all these years of being beaten down by my classmates and family.
If You Really Knew Me, you would know that I long to be held by him again.
I love you </3 Stay golden.
If you really knew me, you would walk away. If people really knew me, i’d be all alone, because when people really know me, everybody leaves me. If you really knew me, you’d know to stay clear. Save your own life and keep your distance.
If you really knew me. You’d know that I’m incredibly insecure. You’d realize that I act like I’m okay all the time when on the inside I’m falling apart.
If you really knew me, you’d know that the demons of my past haunt me everyday. That I am constantly fighting a battle with myself. You’d know that I struggle with addictions and self hate, anger, and depression.
If you really could feel what I feel, you’d feel like you have the best friends anyone could have….but you’d still feel like no one understands.
If you went through what I went through, you’d wonder how I still have a heart since it’s been broken so many times.
If you really knew me, you’d know that I feel fake all the time because I have to pretend that I’m happy.
If you felt what I feel, you would know how angry I get when people tell me “life goes on” because it does go on….but it’s never the same…and that’s the awful part.
If you really knew me, you’d know that I try so damn hard to be perfect but have nothing to show for it.
If you really knew me, you’d know that every time I look in the mirror…. I hate what I see.
If you shared my feelings…you would know how it feels to wish you cut deeper, bled longer, that the razor was a bit sharper.You’d know how it feels to be alive on the outside but dead on the inside.
You can walk a mile in someone shoes….but you’ll never be in the same places those shoes have been.
You can say “I know what you’re going through” so many times…but no one ever goes through the same exact thing.
You can try to move on with life…but moving on means letting go of what your holding onto…and sometimes that’s the only thing keeping you alive.
if you really knew me……. as a child i was fed drugs by my mother and it caused me to have hiv and my mother did all kinds of drugs while she was pregnant with me but later down the road i got put into foster care and the people who adopted me where really abusive to me and didnt really care 4 me and i felt like no one cared for me and later down the road my foster mom died in a car accident and it was a hard 4 a 9 year old to loose the parent and so then it just went down hill like i wanted to kill myself bcuz i feel unwanted and not loved! i im just scared! i just wish i had ppl who cared about me and show me tht they love me! its just a sad situation and im still living it to this very day!
If you really knew me , you’d know a lot of things . You would know my inner demons .. my inner struggles that I face on a day to day basis . If you really knew me , you’d know that Ive been depressed since the 6th grade . You’d know that when I was in elementary school , i was always terrified to come home because of an abusive home life . You’d understand that I have never had a loving father figure in my life and I have always felt like a burden to my family . If you really knew me , you’d know that I started cutting during my Freshman year of high school , I have the scars to prove it , and have yet to be able to stop . You’d know that Ive been kicked in the teeth and stabbed in the back , yet I still put everyone else before myself and give second..third.. and fourth chances . If you really knew me , you’d know that dont trust anyone other than myself . I almost never open myself up because of the fear of being screwed over and hurt . Finally , if you really knew me … you’d know that I just want to be truly happy for the first time in my life .
You’d know that every day I look in the mirror and wonder why I’m not enough? Why I dont have many friends? Why boys dont like me? Why my parents picked drugs and alcohol over me? I look in that mirror and see ugliness. I walk around school like the shy girl I am wondering, If I was someone else, if I was 110 lbs. instead of 120 lbs, if i didn’t have a scar in my lip, if i had more money, if i was more outgoing, would someone care about me… Would someone love me? So far, I have found me answers.
If you really knew me, you would know that the past two years have been extremely hard for me. I’ve lost three of my grandparents, faught with my dad continuously to the point where I havn’t seen him (or my two little brothers who I miss dearly) in months, lost my spot on my varsity lacrosse team to a good friend after starting the season out with a serious concussion, and have also lost one of my very best friends to her new boyfriend. In addition , my mom is having me start to look at colleges and I feel like my head is going to expload. On top of all of this, I’m extremely insecure with my body. I’ve become extremely depressed due to all of this and I’m not sure what to do anymore. I just want to be happy again.
if you really knew me- you would know that being raised in an alcoholic home was chaotic and sometimes devastating, having a baby at 17 was embarrassing-I gave him up for adoption- both caused me great shame. All of this shame lingered longer than the things i was ashamed of (daughter to a drunk, teenage pregnancy). Shame causes more damage than the things life throws at you. I don’t feel ashamed anymore- I didn’t become “like” my mom and I did right by my son, he seems to be a happy well adjusted adult. they both still hurt- but i am proud of the scars
If you really knew me, you’d realize I’m not the perfect, but bitchy barbie doll everything thinks I am. You would know I throw up everyday, and starve myself. You’d see the cuts and burns under my clothes, the 174 ugly scars I’ve caused. You’d know I was sexually abused by my brother when I was little, and had to live in complete utter fear of coming home everyday until he went to college. And that when my mom found out, she chose him over me. But still expects me to love her. You’d know that I grew up having to live up to my mothers impossible expectations. That she would constantly critisize me and yell whenever I showed emotions. And ignored my presence. My other brother would constantly critisize me to, and if i responded my mother would yell at me. But if I didnt respond it would turn violent and he would throw rocks at me, choke me, chase me down the nieghborhood and punch a basketball in my gut. That everyday my parents would scream theyre hatred for eachother, and leave in the middle of the night, leaving me in my room crying until i fell asleep. And that I’m supposed to pretend like my childhood was good, that I’m the perfect daughter with a perfect life for my mother. You’d know that I can’t have a boyfriend, because I feel uncomftorable and vulnerable. Because of my past. And I’m scared of dying alone. You’d know the only person who has ever cared about me is my gym teacher, and she has helped me liked no one else has even tryed. You’d know I can barely look in the mirror without crying, and I wear huge jackets because I’m disgusted by my body. You’d know I tried to kill myself. You’d know that I’m really not a bitch, that I try to help anyone upset, even people who are crappy to me, that I help whoever I can and don’t expect anything back from it. You’d know that it took me two years to get people to let go of my reputation of being a slutty, snobby, aggressive, bitchy, perfect life blonde girl who cares just about herself. When I hope that was never true… and that some people still think of me that way but some look at me as a popular, misunderstood, extremely hard to get, upbeat secret filled girl.. I don’t let anyone in. I have been diagnosed with major depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder. I always have a smile on, and am always upbeat around everyone else because I love being the girl who makes others laugh. I’m killing myself to please others… You would know that the girl I appear to be on the outside, is not at all who I am on the inside. You’d know that this is only half of my story and struggles.. and that I’m afraid people will judge this post..
If you really knew me then you would look into my eyes and see that life isnt always what it seems to be. If you really knew me then you know that my mom and dad divorced when I was 4 and my mom kept going from one man to another marrying them all, If you really knew me then you would know that those guys treated me like crap and didnt care if I was there or not. If you really knew me then you would look into my eyes and see that I am sad all the time, due to everything going wrong. My mom, grandmother, and older brother always yell at each other and I can’t escape it no matter how hard I try. If you really knew me then you would see that I am lonely, I have no friends anymore because they didnt like the person I was so they just decided to cut all ties from me and they refuse to talk to me. If you really knew me then you would see that I am a cutter, this July I will be cutting for 5 months now, I know that I should stop but this is the only way that I can escape the pain that is around me and I want to hide it from people around me especially at work but I have to wear short sleeves and I cant hide it. If you really knew me then you would know that I feel like ending my own life everyday because I rather leave this earth in no pain instead of living here with this pain. So if you really knew me then you would see that I am an 18 year old who is in constant pain and hides it everyday with a fake smile.
i'm sure most of you have heard of the MTV show "if you really knew me" . well let just say this is the online Tumblr version. feel free to submit anything. start the sentence off with "if you really knew me, you would..."